So - I was thinking that perhaps I should actually write something on here. But then again, whenever I come on here I'm never in the mood for writing, just browsing. Of course, it never seems as if I am doing anything truly worth depicting - it always comes off as an emotional plea for sympathy and support, totally ego-driven bragging, or a mixture of the two. But maybe for nostalgia's sake, I should put something down, at least to somewhat document where I am right now in a nutshell.
I just finished up my first semester in grad school (well not completely finished, as I still have two papers to complete), and I've come away feeling more an idiot than at any other point in my life. I've constantly found support for my theory that brain matter does, indeed, slowly leak out of one's ears. In fact, I still find myself constantly questioning my choice to pursue the doctorate, or to entertain grad school at all. I'm, even today, suffering from the "imposter syndrome," when I compulsively compare myself with other around me. But, again, whining.
I do actually enjoy the material, though. As I had hoped, the department is so much more flexible and interdisciplinary than anything else I've seen offered. Most of my course material has been in lit theory, comp lit, criticism, history, sociology, etc. than German Studies, strictly speaking. That is a definate plus. Of course, this does also pose problems, as I find myself constantly treading on new terrain. But, at least, for the first time in a long while I'm pushing myself.
I've not got a lot of personal time, however. With teaching, classes, extra research projects, and the usual representative positions (within academic infrastructure), and having the bf, there isn't much time left over. Luckily, the other entering grad student has been a social, mental, and academic savior, a bastion of support, so to speak. I'm honestly not sure what I would have done this first semester without Ela, without our nights of wine and talk. Simple words can't describe.
Other than that -- I've got my personal goals for the next while ---- I've realized the necessity of focusing on myself and my personal, mental and physical well-being, for once. Not that I've accomplished much in that direction --- but admittance, or at least awareness is the first step, I suppose.
Am worried about my French, but hopefully that won't dissapear or degrade too quickly.
Other than that... not much to show. But, I suppose a big move like this and the beginnings of a new chapter of my life might not be rightly expected to produce immediate, tangible results.
OK... well, that was a run-down for those who might care. (I suppose mostly for myself).
Until soon (yeah, right, hmmm),
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