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[icon] Les montagnes de la vie d'un petit ours brun
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Subject:Long time, no post...
Time:11:10 pm
So, things are going well in Michigan. I love teaching, absolutely love the feeling of imparting something, if just something small and somewhat trivial in the scheme of things. Classes are hectic, but doable. Life is good. There are more whole-foods stores here, and there is a earth-conscious way here. On the whole, things are good. Would love to hear from anyone in Neb, or elsewhere. Until soon,

Josh
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Subject:Local Article on my Mother
Time:01:19 am
So, a local paper (well, my family's home-town paper), wrote an article on my mother. For those of you who don't know, my mother recently graduated with her nursing and bachelor degrees from the University of Nebraska Medical Center. She has always been an inspiration for me, practically raising three children alone at times while also working full time and going to school. She finally made it, and I am so proud of her. She, as I, suffers from depression, low self-esteem, and has always been plagued by self-doubts, etc. For her to have accomplished this, considering the environment she's had to deal with, it's simply amazing. Here is a link to the article (I hope the link stays live for at least a little while).

Link to Article on my Mother
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Time:02:06 am
Raphael
So you need Healing (56%), Knowledge (60%), Inspiration (70%), and Strength (62%)?
Archangel Raphael is the Angel of intellect, creativity, healing, joy, courage and hope. This Angel will bring guidance and sustenance to anyone feeling lost, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. He is called "The Illuminator," because he provides a "Torch of Angelic Light" to help humans light their way through life so they can more effectively avoid hurdles, overcome challenges with less effort, and see the opportunities and spiritual rewards that lay ahead. He encourages self-motivation in becoming who we’re meant to be, and reminds us to seek truth in all we say and do. As we light our way into the future, a sense of courage will naturally come to us.

Students as well as teachers are in good hands if Raphael is watching over them. He inspires a heightened creative visualization and allows us to better focus on a particular activity to achieve a specific goal. Raphael is the Patron Angel of doctors, scientists, writers, and anyone working in the field of endeavour in the liberal arts or sciences. Being the leader of the Angels of Healing, Raphael offers cure of all kinds for humans, animals, and nature. He is a protector of children, and that goes for your inner child, too. He teaches us to laugh easily, and to enjoy life. Raphael is said to be the friendliest and funniest of all the Angels.


A Bit of Trivia:

Raphael is one of the four greatest Archangels, the other three being Michael, Gabriel, and Uriel. His symbols are the healing hands and the Caduceus, a winged staff intertwined with two snakes, which can be seen on the signs of pharmacies and hospitals. He is the Angel of Mercury, and thus the ruler of Wednesday, the day of learning and travelling. He corresponds with the Wind signs, Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra. Raphael can be seen on the Tarot card Key 6 – the Lovers, which symbolizes our three layers of consciousness, with the man being the conscious, the woman being the sub-conscious, and the angel being the super-conscious.

Jophiel - Michael - Israfel - Raziel - Ariel - Uriel - Gabriel - Raphael - Zadkiel - Jeremiel





My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


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You scored higher than 77% on Healing

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You scored higher than 51% on Knowledge

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You scored higher than 83% on Inspiration

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You scored higher than 77% on Strength
Link: The Angel Test written by Nitsuki on Ok Cupid
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Time:01:42 am
So... how do I deal with a spilt beer crisis... by opening another beer BEFORE cleaning up the spillings of the last one... all one needs is a little drug to calm the nerves :-)
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Time:01:36 am
I hate being accepted on the outskirts... let me in god damnit. However, I've resigned myself to the understanding that this is how it will always be, except between me and me.
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Time:01:24 am
I never found it so hard to jerk off when drunk as after I turned 24... another sign of old age, I suppose.
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Subject:Change the format already !!!
Time:01:10 am
So, everyone is fucking changing the format of their journals these days... particular friends don't seem to be able to refrain from changing it less than once a month at the least. I, on the other hand, am tried and true blue with my format... I find something, and I keep it, in more ways that one. On another mind wave... I will be blue before too long.. Michigan Wolverine blue... :-) LOL cynically speaking. Not sure how I feel about the new U and about the move, but it is crawling up on me fast. Will let you know the verdict once it's over.
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Time:03:14 am
So... the personal therapist of the online journal is awoken again...

I am just sooo tired of being this way... living my life the way that I have for the past almost 10 years or more... just never happy. I can't remember one truly good memory, when I wasn't bogged down by my feelings of insecurity, hopelessness, apathy, worthlessness, etc. All of the major signs... I know that I am not alone... that I am one of many... but how is that knowledge supposed to help? Truly? I used to think that if I could find those who deal with similar problems, I would find a sounding board, a salvation of some kind... and then I thought that I could actually cure myself through my own brand of cognitive restructuring... but nothing truly helps... I just seem to slide slowly but surely further down the spiral... my alcoholic tendencies have gotten worse, my dependency upon whatever drug has worsened... my relationship of 5 years is a shell of what it could have been... when will it end...
Like every one else suffering from this type of "disorder" or whatever one wants to call it, I have a few good weeks out of the year... but those positive times are negated by whatever negative periods I experience. Whatever decent friendships I form during the good times are destroyed by my behavior in the troubling times. Case in point, the two real friends I have somehow retained over the years... rather tired now of my chronic behavior and probably about to cut me loose. I honestly don't know the answer, but I am finally whole-heartedly tired of my "condition." I used to revel in the pain... the depths became their own drug and addiction... but I can't do this any longer... one way or another it just must end.
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Time:01:53 am
Went out for the first time in a long time tonight. Just the last episode of QAF and then a round at local friend Jeri's with Lex. I always feel less than menial when I visit, but it is most likely my own insecurities. One day I will change my outlook.
Thanks Lex for a nice night. I just wish I hadn't got you as drunk as you were so that you might have been able to enjoy it more. Until soon,

JH

PS ~ My alcoholism should find it's own demise before too long... maybe I will have a clearer picture following...
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Time:04:54 pm
I keep asking myself when I might finally change my life... my locus of control must be fucked, and I'm probably waiting for change to happen. Instead, I sit here killing myself slowly :-) Lovely whining. Anyhow... for those of you who know me in Lincoln... anyone want to hang out with a whiner? I need something do to as I can't find a job and there is so little time left anyhow that it would be pointless to start one... there is only so much time one can spend at the computer productively. OK... enough.
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[icon] Les montagnes de la vie d'un petit ours brun
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Smashing Beautiful Boy Faces).
View:SBBF ~ A Tori Site. Homogenia ~ My personal site. The Dent ~ Tori News. Websense ~ Bjork.com. My cool friend LeXy Z's webblog....
You're looking at the latest 10 entries, after skipping 10 newer ones.
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